Pies, a modern instrument of torture. Pies, a thing that illustrates all that is wrong with today’s society. Pies, the root of all evil. I can only dream of how much better a place the world would be without pies!!!
Well, the above doesn’t make much sense, does it??? If it does, you have the same problem as me! A pie addiction. Be it apple or chocolate, I’m hooked and I need one a week, otherwise I get a nervous breakdown, I can’t sleep, eat or drink. My vision becomes blurred, my head becomes heavy, I feel drowsy… I just feel like lying down to die!
Then I get my pie, I start to smile, I become happy, the sky turns pink with rainbows all over, small fairies are dancing around my feet, all my problems are gone, all is dandy!
Or is it? Hell no, all those pies are getting me fat! All that excessive sugar, butter, flour, chocolate and apple jam. It is all aggressive and performs multiple all-out blitzkrieg attacks on my belly. It doesn’t even come creeping in the night, noooo… it attacks straight on in the bright daylight…!
That, ladies and gentlemen, that is why you never should trust a pie, never invite a pie into your house, and never, mark my words, never let a pie’s sweetness caress your tongue!!!
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